


Ar Lasa Mala Revas

by Nachura



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Action/Adventure, Cannon Divergence, Drinking, Elvhen Pantheon, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Magic, Mind Control, Modern Girl in Thedas, POV First Person, Romance, Sprirts, Suicide Attempt, The Fade, Thedas, Violence, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachura/pseuds/Nachura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'There was a light... singing. I dove in for it... and Drowned. It set me on fire!' I sound insane. There's no way that happened. Why do I remember it that way?</p>
<p>    He doesn't seem at all fazed by my hysterics, 'Fascinating. The veil is thin here, I felt it tremor as you slipped through. I had thought you a spirit... but that does not appear to be the case.'</p>
<p>    I don't want to cry, but I can't hold in my tears. I curl up, knees against my chest, my back to the friendly stranger, as I let my fear roll down my cheeks. 'What am I going to do?'</p>
<p>    I voiced my question to myself, yet I hear his quiet reply, 'I am on my way to haven. You may accompany me if you wish.'"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    The explosion at the Conclave tore a hole through the Heavens, and for a moment, into the Beyond. Some of these rips in the boundary between worlds attracted the notice of others. Stephanie was one such person pulled into the world of Thedas. She has a lot to cope with; a new body and new abilities, all while her memories of her old life slip away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prologue and the first chapter. This piece hints at a lot of things to come. I Hemmed and hawed over whether to write this in first or third person, I actually wrote it out both ways, but eventually decided that Steph felt more relatable this way. Tell me what you think.
> 
> TW- attempted suicide. It's not bloody or anything, but if you don't want to read it, skip to the break.

The wind fights its way through my hair, snapping as it whips up off the water, leaving the sweet sting of salt on my face. I stare out across the horizon, watching the endless sea as it churns and roils like the growing knot in my stomach. My eyes shift down over the railing to the waves below. It's a long way down, but I can feel the water calling, the whisper of surf breaking.

 

I wonder, Could I make it? If I fell would I survive? Or will it break me, leave me Bruised and bloodied as I sink?

 

My hair brushes against my back as a car speeds behind me, reestablishing my attention in reality. I raise my head and notice clouds strewn across the sky, threatening rain that will no doubt fall later in the day. They shroud the sun, the light that filters through leaving the world dim and grey. It's the singing that draws my gaze back to the waves below.

 

I _must_ be hearing things. My mind's finally cracked, broken under the pressure.

 

But the song is sweet and full of longing, and the hole inside of me is begging to reach out and capture it. Right below the surface, right where the singing is loudest, something catches my eye. The waves make it impossible to focus on, but I can _feel_ it calling to me, igniting a desire rooted deep within my soul.

 

Can I make it? Maybe I can reach it, bring it to the surface. _Maybe._ But what if I can't? What if it kills me? Who would _I_ hurt? Who would _I_ leave behind with holes in _their_ chests?

 

Now the song is louder, more captivating, more demanding, and my hunger is growing. When I think of my life all I can see are the eyes on me. All those people that show their care through boundless pity and sad smiles. Their eyes boring into me as I turn my back, feeding the aching hole inside me.

 

My feet have made it to the railing. I can't help but marvel at my weightlessness. Looking over the edge is so easy, natural.

 

I could still turn back. Walk home to my empty house and my demons.

 

But the fire in my chest is blazing, threatening to consume me, and the song is stronger, faster, matching the pounding of my heart. My fingers brush the cross around my neck, "Forgive me..."

 

I'm Flying, I'm free, _finally_. I can feel every inch of my body awake, alive. Electric.

 

Why didn't I...

 

I crash before the rest of the thought can form. Cold water licks at my limbs, wrapping around me. Cooling. Soothing. Embracing. CRUSHING! Strangling my chest, demanding entry. My eyes shoot open, desperate to find the surface. My libs grasping, kicking, longing for purchase. The song, shrill, panicked, surging through my bones. I can see a light, green, glowing, floating inches from my face. I reach for it, the music slowing, my heart rate settling, my muscles relaxing.

 

Emerald is warm... how curious.

 

My hand flexes, fingers curling around my magic light, but when I touch it I'm on fire! I inhale in surprise, but can't feel the water invading my lungs over the searing of the light engulfing my hand. White hot flames lick my vision and consume me.

 

* * *

 

 

Nothing. There is nothing. The fire engulfed me and here I am.

 

I died.

 

It's not a question in my mind.

 

I'm floating. Still in the water maybe? But sinking.

 

I feel a cushion feather light against my consciousness. It's holding me, I want to rest here in the nothing and it doesn't bother me when the thought crosses my mind, I'll never wake up.

 

My cushion absorbs me, like a million fingers dancing across every part of me.

 

_Delightful._

 

A singular, clarifying thought that has me slipping again. The whispering touch dissipates and there it is, _ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum._

 

My heart's beating! Does that happen when you're dead? Am I... in Heaven? No. If I'm dead this must be Hell.

 

Now I can feel my limbs, heavy against... something. Grazing to and fro, tingling, teasing my bare skin. There's something below me too, damp and cold,

 

I know this...

 

Just then the wind blows and I lose focus when I realize that I'm breathing. Each inhalation brings with it the smell of bare soil, dead leaves, pine needles, and a chill. The rustle of grounded leaves and the scraping of empty branches form a background to the birdsong that meets my ears. The lilting warble is so much fuller than I've ever heard, each note strikingly unique, creating the complex symphony of nature, melody and countermelody driving one another.

 

This can't be Hell, maybe I _am_ in Heaven.

 

With a flutter my eyes open, the world is blinding, too much to see, forcing me to close them again. My thumb and forefinger make it to my brow, eyelashes tickle my palm as I let my eyes adjust in shadow. When I can comfortably remove my hand the overcast sky above confuses me.

 

How can it be so bright?

 

I sit up, eyes following the flight of a sparrow to the tree line and from there to the ground where I find a curious animal looking back at me, frozen, not sure if it's safe to continue nibbling the flower in front of it. At first I think it's a large rabbit, but soon I realize that it doesn't have any hair, and its nose doesn't quite seem right.

 

What the...?

 

I shift my weight forward and lower my shoulders, mystified by this simple creature, but the moment ends as it dashes into the underbrush.

 

I hear movement behind me, startled, I whirl around and in one fluid motion I'm on my feet, still crouched, low and ready to flee. I lock eyes with a man, one knee on the ground, hand outstretched to help me up. He says something in a language I can't quite place, drawing my focus from his hand up to his mouth. That's when I catch sight of his ears, slender and tapered to a point.

 

"You're an elf?"

 

I'm sure the surprise is clear across my face. I notice his eyes narrow slightly, he must not speak English. Before I realize it, my hand is up by his face, I _need_ to see if those ears are real. A wrinkled nose betrays his irritation as he moves to back away. This motion causes my fingers to brush his temple. My world goes blank.

 

The Darkness recedes as images flash before me, fleeting and disconnected. Crystal archways that shine and crumble into dust, lights floating in the clouds, a sea of leaves broken by shining eyes. I can feel my skin tingling, power crawling just below the surface. All the while voices ring out, echoing through my mind. In a flash it all fades away and the man is staring at me once more, looking as startled as I feel.

 

"What... just happened?" I move both of my hands to the ground in front of me as I catch my breath.

 

The man's eyes narrow again, he looks me over appraisingly and after a long pause replies, "Are you not familiar with your own abilities?"

 

"Of course..." I huff under my breath.

 

So he does speak English... This must be a dream. If I'm dreaming that means someone pulled me from the water. I'm probably in the hospital right not.

 

"Why are you here?"

 

"I..." My question appears to have caught him off guard. "You looked as if you were in need of assistance."

 

"Okay, where am I?"

 

"These are the Frostback Mountains. We are not far from the village of Haven." A hesitation, "I thought perhaps you were cold?" I catch the corner of his mouth twitch up, letting out a breathy chuckle.

 

As if on cue, the wind blows, raising goose pimples over my arms and legs... and stomach? For the first time I look down and realize that I am entirely nude.

 

So, it's going to be one of _those_ dreams...

 

Luckily, by the time I look up, the man is already pulling a sweater out of his pack. I can't help but blush as I accept his offering with a quiet 'thank you,' hoping the tan of my skin will mask my embarrassment.

 

It's too large for my frame, but as I pull it down I notice that my hips seem narrower. I stand up and feel taller and lighter then usual. Even my arms seem longer, my fingers more slender. My heart speeds up, hammering against my chest when I come to the realization that this is not my body.

 

Something happened! Something crazy! The fire burnt away my body and now I'm here! This is _real!_ No, no, it can't be! NO! I'm in the hospital. This is all a dream!

 

My breathing is haggard.

 

I need to calm down! I run my hand over my face but... it's not my face!

 

"Oh GOD!" I think I might be sick. I clamp my eyes closed, swaying with the churning in my stomach.

 

A strong hand rests on my shoulder reassuringly, "It may be best to sit if you are feeling unwell."

 

I heed the man's advice.

 

"This is all just a dream. I'll wake up any moment now." I whisper to myself, a quiet plea to maintain my sanity.

 

"I assure you, we are not in the fade."

 

Shit, how did he hear me?

 

All I can manage to force from my lips is, "Fade?" I turn my head searching his face for answers that aren't there.

 

"The realm of dreams. Surely you have heard of the fade?" My blank stare must be answer enough, he continues, "What is the last thing you recall before waking here?"

 

"There was a light... singing. I dove in for it... and drowned. It set me on fire!" I sound insane. There's _no_ way that actually happened. _Why_ do I remember it  that way?

 

He doesn't seem at all fazed by my hysterics, "Fascinating. The veil is thin here, I felt its tremor as you slipped through. I had thought you a spirit... but that does not appear to be the case."

 

I don't want to cry, but I can't hold in my tears. I curl up, knees against my chest, my back to the friendly stranger, as I let my fear roll down my cheeks. "What am I going to do?"

 

I voiced the question to myself, yet I hear his quiet reply, "I am on my way to Haven. You may accompany me if you wish."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to write than I intended. Hopefully I can ramp things up and crank these out faster. I meant to get us to Haven in this chapter, but it just didn't work out that way. I promise it'll happen in the next chapter and then we can get into some of the Inquisition stuff and meet some more characters. 
> 
> I hope this piece isn't too confusing. I'm trying to take advantage of the POV so all we know comes from our main character. Unfortunately, she just showed up in this new world and has no idea what's going on, so it's going to be a bit confusing until she figures things out. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos so far, I really appreciate your support!

It's getting steadily colder. The clearing I woke up in had a chill, but now we've been hiking for hours and pretty soon we'll be above the frost line. I can't help but hope we'll find this village before then. It has been slow going. The man, Solas, as he introduced himself, has been patient with me thus far, but it didn't take long for me to fall behind. He lent me a pair of leather pants and a belt in addition to his sweater, but I've got nothing to cover my feet and they hate me for it. I brush past the branches of a great fir and find him waiting. I give him an appreciative smile, to which he nods and resumes leading our trek. He's been quiet thus far, not that I could keep up with him long enough to hold a conversation.

 

How does he move so fast?

 

It's as if he glides over the forest floor, never a misplaced step. The skill with witch he carries himself is obvious, but there's something about him, and I'm not sure what it is, but it makes me feel anxious. Which doesn't help with my overwhelming uncertainty of what will happen next. I'm not yet ready to admit to myself that this is real, so I continue to press on hoping for an encounter that will wake me up.

 

With each step this journey becomes more difficult. As I push through the last of a patch of blueberry bushes I spot Solas, once again waiting on me. We crest a ridge together and I pause. This is the first time I've had much of a view of the world around me. My only experience with mountains was driving through the Appellations with my brother many years ago. This though... this is _extraordinary_ , like standing in a nature documentary. I'm in awe of the landscape before me. The sun is behind us leaving the valley ahead bathed in golden light. The peaks before us are aglow, standing in stark contrast to the emerald tinted sky. It's a powerful and unexpected combination, the likes of which I have never seen. For a moment I wonder if the sky is always this color here- wherever I am. I'm too uncomfortable to think much on it though, instead I scan the landscape, but see no signs of a village.

 

"To the north." Solas must have noticed my search, my eyes follow the path made by his outstretched arm, "That is the road into Haven."

 

Off in the distance I see the glint of a flame atop what might be a stone pillar, but there are several hills and valleys between here and there. I frown, lean against the nearest tree and sink to the ground, desperate to give my aching feet some relief. Grudgingly, I take one tender foot in my hands and begin to scrape off the mud and leaves crusting it, revealing several bloody cuts. I then rub it, hoping to coax feeling back into my numb toes. When I move on to the other foot I am cut off guard as Solas pushes my wrist away.

 

"We must move quickly." He says as he lifts my ankle. I'm not sure where this is going, but I don't think I like it. I kick and try to jerk my leg away from his grip, but he just shoots me an impatient glance and runs the tips of his fingers along my sole. I gasp as a wave of warmth flows through my skin and relaxes the aching muscles in my foot. I look from my foot, up to Solas, and back down to my foot, trying to reconcile what just happened. From pad to heel my skin is smooth and unbroken.

 

"You fixed it." I say in disbelief as he moves on, gripping my other ankle.

 

"We will not get far if you cannot walk."

 

"That's not possible."

 

"There is much that magic can accomplish." He replies to the thought I didn't realize I had voiced. With that he turns away, resuming our journey.

 

* * *

 

 

I am staring into the fire, trying to convince myself that I'm warm, ignoring the snow piling up at the mouth of the cave. Evening had fallen upon us soon after we reached the road, and with it came the blizzard. We looped back to a small cave we had passed earlier to weather the storm. So here I am, pretending I won't freeze to death before morning.

 

I look over to Solas and see that he is also staring into the fire, evidently deep in thought. For a moment I wonder if I should be scared of being trapped for the night with this stranger. It's not like I have much choice though, even if it weren't storming I'd have no idea where to go. I suppose I'm lucky he found me, and I guess if he were going to take advantage of me, he would have made his move already. Besides, it's hard to be wary of a man with such a sad look in his eyes. Eyes that are now trained incredulously on me. It takes me a minute to realize that I must have been staring at him for quite some time. Now that I'm actively watching him though, I can't seem to look away.

 

"Do you watch everybody so closely?" Solas breaks the silence.

 

"Sorry." A wave of embarrassment hits me as I try to explain my indiscretion, "I've just..." Genuine wonder floods my voice as I continue, "I've never met an elf before."

 

The corner of his mouth twitches up and then he frowns, his nose wrinkling. AT first I think he might be in pain, which causes fear to flare in my chest, but then he laughs and I'm completely at a loss. "Are you not an elf?"

 

"What!? I'm not..." I reach for my ears and immediately know the truth. I feel like an idiot. How could I be so oblivious? How many hours have I spent not knowing what I am or where I am- or even _when_ I am? I have no idea how to feel about this, but I guess I'll just have to see how things work out? The fear of uncertainty starts to numb me.

 

I need to stay positive. I think of my brother with his endless optimism and try to channel that feeling, but the thought of him only makes me feel guilty.

 

I threw my life away and now I'm here, whatever happens to me is my own fault. Maybe this is supposed to be my punishment or yet another trial for me to face. I feel helpless and weak and...

 

"I did not mean to upset you." Solas' concerned comment breaks my chain of thought.

 

"Oh. Sorry. I just..." I don't feel like sharing my thoughts so I change the subject, "Why _did_ you help me?"

 

"It is not safe for a woman to travel alone. These mountains are full of Templar and bandits. I have no doubt they would take sport in chasing a defenseless elf through the forest." The look of disgust in his eyes tells the rest of the story.

 

"Thank you." It's all I have to offer him. I have no idea what a Templar is, but I understand his meaning well enough. A shiver runs down my spine as I begin to realize just how lucky I am. Maybe I was wrong before. Maybe this isn't a punishment. Maybe it's a chance at a fresh start.

 

With hope in my heart and a ghost of a smile on my face I look back into the fire. It's strange, warm like a real fire, but it has no source. Solas just waved his hand and it materialized. How can fire _be_ without burning? Maybe it's burning the air? I try to think back to high school chemistry as I puzzle it out, but honestly, I doubt it would explain magic fire, even if I could remember.

 

Maybe _that's_ the point? Magic shouldn't make sense, it just _is_. I reach out, curious about these magic flames. I hold my hand above the fire and slowly lower it. The heat emitted is immense; it certainly _seems_ real, but I tell myself, it's only as real as I think it is. Eager to test my theory, I focus on the fire, willing it to be an allusion, and lower my hand. The flames lick up around my palm and through my fingers, never quite touching my skin. My hand continues its descent until it's in the belly of the fire. I smile as I watch the flames part scant millimeters from my skin and reunite above my hand. I stretch my fingers, fascinated by my power over the flames, they're hot, but not uncomfortably so.

 

A thought crosses my mind: what if I can do this with anything? My smile broadens as I contemplate the limitless possibilities.

 

Solas draws my attention as he says, "For not being acc-"

 

My agonized scream cuts him off. My hand is on FIRE! I flail as the most intense pain of my life strips me of coherent thought. I know I'm still screaming and writhing in agony, but for a moment I go numb, no sound makes it to my ears, everything's moving in slow motion- I have lost control. In a split second, sensation comes crashing back over me and adrenaline takes hold of my shocked mind.

 

I'm on my feet. I don't know how, and I don't care. I _need_ to get out of this cave. I _need_ the cold. I turn to run but can't move. Something's caught my wrist. Solas. I turn on him, anger catching like fire across my skin. Why would he stop me? Pain clouds my senses. My hand is still on fire. My whole arm is ablaze.

 

How is this possible?

 

The fire at my fingertips explodes, knocking me to the ground. My head hits the stone floor with a crack. My world goes white, then black, then white again before my shaking vision reveals that I've flipped onto my stomach, crawling towards the cave's mouth. It takes everything left in me to reach the exit.

 

Snowflakes kiss my brow and frigid air washes over me. I sink into the freshly fallen snow, finally able to relax as it cools my scorched skin. After a minute I roll onto my back and look up into the swirling night sky. My breath mingles with the wind as I bring my extinguished hand before my face. The flesh is soft and pink like it's been freshly healed. My mind reels as I try to process what just happened- with little success. All at once exhaustion hits me. I blink in and out of consciousness, losing track of how much time passes.

 

I barely take notice as he comes walking towards me. With my mind foggy and my energy spent, I look up at him. My vision blurs and my head lulls as I move. It's the weightlessness that pushes me to the realization that I'm being carried.

 

"Josh." I breath his name in thanks as I curl into my brother's arms and fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up stiff and sore. Every muscle in my body aches. It's so cold here. What did I do with my blanket? I groan as I roll over. When did my bed get so hard...?

My eyes fly open as reality hits me. I'm not in my bed, I'm in a cave in the middle of... some mountains- somewhere. Oh, _right_. The chill air has my skin covered in goose bumps. I sit up, rubbing my arms for warmth.

My arm!

I look down to find it completely healed, the only evidence it had ever been on fire is the scorched remains of my sleeve.

"Ah, you are awake."

Solas.

As I desperately search my surroundings for Josh, I realize with disappointment that he was never really here. It's not possible- he's gone. It was all in my head. My exhausted brain conjured up what I had wanted, but it had been this kind stranger that saved my life. That's twice now. I look over to him, guilt welling in the pit of my stomach as I catch sight of his singed collar and cuff.

"You will need to be in control of your emotions."

What does that have to do with anything? My brow furrows as I search my mind for what I did to elicit this response from him- I come up short.

"Last night was your first attempt at magic, was it not?"

I'm thrown off by the fact that he doesn't sound angry, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to... I just... Please don't leave me here!" I blurt out, convinced that he will want nothing to do with me.

He lets out a soft chuckle before saying, "Magic is a delicate skill. It is not uncommon for a child to set their bed afire by accident."

"You're not mad that I almost killed you?" I ask meekly.

"It was unexpected and not all together pleasant, but I am not angry, no. Neither of us were in much danger."

"Really?" I start, but think better of it, "Thank you. Again." I look down at my hand, "Was it difficult to heal my arm? It looks like nothing ever happened."

A wry smile pulls at his face, "That was your doing. Unconscious use of magic is not often wise, although it appears to have worked in your favor." He reaches out to hand me a skewered piece of meat, "Eat, you will need your strength."

So many emotions had flooded my senses upon waking that I hadn't even noticed the smell of roasting meat that now greets me. I can't even remember when my last meal was. I sink my teeth into something that vaguely tastes like beef, albeit a bit gamey. After a few bites I look up to see Solas watching me, his features knit together like he's puzzling something out. I continue my breakfast beginning to feel uncomfortable, when I notice that I'm holing the only thing that had been cooking. Ashamed that less than half is left, I offer him the rest, "You must be hungry too? I didn't mean to hog it all."

He seems to be caught off guard by my offer, but then his visage softens, "You need not concern yourself, I have already eaten."

At that moment I am stricken by the realization that the meat in front of me must have come from a rather large animal. Surely he wouldn't be walking around with a hunk of raw meat in his backpack? Can he heal food poisoning if I get sick? If I can heal myself, maybe I can't get sick to begin with? Or... did he go hunting this morning? Or last night? How long was I asleep!?! My thoughts start to spiral out of control. Solas' voice pulls me back to reality.

"I fear this may be a difficult journey for you. The world is on the brink of chaos. It is particularly unsafe for an inexperienced mage such as yourself. We will reach Haven today. I cannot promise you my aid beyond then, but we shall see. It will be for the best that you avoid putting your magic on display within the village. Another accident such as last night's will draw unwanted attention to yourself. It is best that you keep your talent hidden for the time being." His tone is detached, almost cold, adding to the apprehension his short speech sired.

"What if I can't? I mean, I wasn't exactly trying to blow things up last night." It never occurred to me that this village could hold its own danger. I can feel the gravity of Solas' words permeate my being. I had assumed that I'd get to Haven and... I'm not sure what I thought would happen. I guess I figured I'd wake up from this mad dream before getting that far. Now, it's looking like I'll have to come up with a long term plan. Nothing can ever be simple, can it?

"Focus your mind and calm your spirit. You will be fine." The certainty in his voice helps put my mind at ease. At least one of us is confident.

 

* * *

 

 

I thought yesterday was slow going, but the layer of freshly fallen snow today has redefined the meaning of a snail's pace. I can't believe I don't have shoes! Solas, of course, is completely unfazed. While I trudge through the drifts, trying to keep from getting frostbite without starting a forest fire, he glides over it without breaking the surface. 

Even so, it doesn't take long for us to reach the road again. The hard-packed dirt is a vast improvement for my feet. It is still blanketed in snow, but at least I won't have to worry about being cut by thorns or breaking an ankle on a fallen branch, masked beneath the thick powder. I take a moment to rest, leaning against the road marker, a rectangular stone pillar topped with a bowl holding magic fire. I focus on my frozen toes, willing the life back into them, a task that has already become tiresome. When I finish my spell- yep, that's me, just using magic!- I am once again stricken by the beauty of the surrounding world. The snow glistens like a million scattered diamonds in the morning sun, pure white against the emerald sky. All is quiet except for the occasional tumult of ice falling from tree branches and... singing?

I recognize the melody, although I can't quite place it, distant and faint as it is. It piques my interest. I take a couple of steps forward, into the narrow mountain pass before me. It must be coming from this direction, muddied as it bounces off the sheer rock faces to either side of the road. The rhythm speaks to me, the voice never quite forming words, but calling all the same.

I'm off! Bounding thought the snow, practically flying up the steep mountain path. A thought begins to repeat in my mind, consuming all others, until it alone holds my attention- I MUST find it! The singing gets louder, pulling me ever onward, past the point of rational thought, past the point of physical exhaustion. I can't stop until it's within my grasp!

Just a few more steps and I'll make it out of the mountain pass.

As I leave the oppressive rock face behind, the world opens up around me. I freeze. I see it. Right there in the sky, my magic light is calling to me. It's massive! How did it get so big? Just like before it sparks desire in my chest. Its music wraps around me, unraveling my consciousness. I threw my life away for this demanding voice.

And I would do it again.

Then I'm moving but I'm still, and I'm confused. Like the snap of a rubber band the music that clouds my mind leaves me and I'm in the forest? How did I get here? My disorientation fades and I find myself between Solas' arms, back pressed against a tree.

"What-" I try to ask what he's doing, but his hand claps over my mouth. Fear and concern fill me in equal parts as he brings his lips to my ear and whispers, "shhh."

This is not a position I should be in with a stranger. I struggle, to no avail. He's stronger than ne looks, holding me firmly in place. What's he going to do to me? How naïve could I have been? You don't just meet nice strangers tromping around in the woods!

Apprehension has tears welling in my eyes, but he's not moving. There's a long moment of nothing, and then I hear the thunder of horse hooves. Shouting voices become clear, they don't sound very far away, "They were over here! I swear I saw 'em run off into the woods!" The man's voice is hard, hateful.

"Dane you nitwit! The tracks lead down the road, not into the trees!" Another voice replies, higher in tone, possibly that of a woman.

"I guess you're right then. We've caught the trail of some maleficarum, we have, dodgin' about these woods. Probably makin' sure their explosion did it's job. This is exactly why we got to keep 'em locked up!"

"Don't get too excited now, commander said no playin' with 'em this time."

"That man's no commander of mine! Who does he think he is? You can't just leave the order!" After that their speech becomes too distant to make out. When all is quiet again Solas releases me.

"Templars." His voice is full of malice. For the first time he looks away from the road. He seems taken aback by the wetness of my cheeks, softens his tone and adds, "It was not my intention to scare you."

"Templars? Are they like police? You're a criminal! Wait. Why do they think we're... 'maleficarum'?" The word sounds wrong in my mouth.

"Maleficarum is a shemlen word for mages who use their magic to harm others. At present, the Templars are at war with a group of rebel mages. It does not help that they see every mage as a maleficar." He pauses a moment to give a slow shake of his head before continuing, "I could perhaps have dissuaded them from an outright attack if it were not for your obvious connection to the fade exposed by the rift. You did not leave me much time to make a decision either way. It is not safe for you to run off alone."

He starts to make his way back to the road, prompting me to follow. For a moment I'm not sure if I should, but I remind myself that this man has saved my life twice, surely he cannot be a bad person. We walk in silence as I try to process our last exchange. It's a frightening prospect that I've inadvertently entered a war, but I keep going back to the word 'Fade.' I've heard him mention it before, "So, you call the magic light in the sky the 'Fade?' Does it always sing?"

"You can hear the magic at this distance?" He looks at me, eyebrow raised.

"That's how I got here. It wasn't in the sky then though. It sang to me and I had to have it. It's so loud. I still need it." My words grow quieter until they trail off, talking more to myself than to him.

"And yet you fell through the Veil so far from the rift." Now he takes a turn talking under his breath, "Perhaps that is why you have not been corrupted. For a spirit to hold such a mundane form beyond the veil is remarkable.

I don't entirely grasp his meaning, "Wait! You think I'm a spirit?!" The rest of my words come slowly, "I am not! Am I?" I guess I did die. Is this the afterlife? It's... not what I expected.

"Your being is the very essence of the fade." He seems amused by the concern playing across my face.

WHAT!?! Maybe I can prove him wrong, "If I'm a spirit then how can I bleed? Shouldn't I be... less?"

"You are the form you have taken on." 

Apparently it's that simple.

He continues, "The rift pulls at the spirits in the fade, forcing them into the physical world, twisting them beyond recognition. I did not realize that it would exert a similar pull here. It would be wise to resist that pull."

 

* * *

 

 

Solas took me aside to avoid travelers on the road twice more before we were within sight of Haven's walls. It looks more like a revolutionary fort than a village. I take a moment to contemplate the time period I appear to have landed in, trying to concentrate on not looking into the fade, on blocking out its incessant song.

As we approach the gate my efforts fail me. A scream peels through the air, snapping my attention up to the light, only to see a ball of emerald flame hurtling towards me. I just stand there frozen, marveling at the phenomenon when Solas crashes into me, slamming us to the ground. A wave of heat hits my skin, bringing back memories of last night. Fear hits me like a wall and I scramble away. I only get so far before the ground ahead of me blackens and roils, spitting forth a nightmarish creature. My eyes go wide with panic. Off in the distance I hear someone shout, "Demons!"

I spin, my legs carrying me away as fast as I can move, but I'm not fast enough. I fall to searing pain in my side. When I look up I see a shifting form, black as night, looming over me, ready to strike again. A desperate yell reaches me, "Defend yourself!"

It's enough to spur me into action. Instinct drives me to reach out to the magic around me, bending it to my will. In a split second it's hardened into thousands of spikes, pushing up from every inch of my body. As the demon falls upon me it impales itself and dissipates. The din of fighting has picked up around me, but with the immediate threat gone my muscles relax.

How many of those things are there?

I can't believe what just happened. I reach my hand down to inspect the pain in my abdomen. My fingers probe the torn flesh and return wet with blood. What I do not expect to find are the spires of sharpened magic still in place, extending directly from my being, even from within my wound. I don't know if I'll be able to heal until I can make them go away. The thundering of heavy feet near my head distracts me. I notice now that the tumultuous noise of battle is all but absent.

"Mages!" It's almost a snarl, although I can't determine who's mouth it came from. Suddenly, an unseen force crashes into me, knocking the air from my lungs. I watch my magic fluctuate and then disappear altogether. For some reason I'm left feeling weak and hollow. The world is hazy, as if I might slip away from it at any moment. Strong hands grip my shoulders, pulling me up to face a man in a suit of armor, helmet on the ground, a flaming sword upon his chest, "You've got some nerve turning up here."

My head lulls to the side, too heavy to support. I hear Solas somewhere behind me, "We are not your enemies. I have extensive knowledge of the fade. I come to offer my expertise and assistance in repairing the Veil."

"What makes you think we'd need the help of some knife-eared apostates? I'll see the two of you hanged for your crimes!"

His fierce words catch my attention, "Hanged? But I... I haven't done anything wrong." My voice is weak.

"And Dalish scum on top of it!" He spits his words and slaps me hard across my face, "Know your place rabbit!"

It takes a moment for the ringing in my ears to subside "...while I see that you are content to let the world fall to ruin while you waste time projecting your fear and ignorance on the few people coming to your aid, I refuse to be thwarted by an underling such as you. I will speak to your superior." Solas' vehement statement catches my captor off guard. The appalled look on his face doesn't last long though, quickly replaced by a nasty smirk.

"Alright, You can see the Nightingale."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, we got to Haven! Finally! Now we can start getting into stuff about the inquisition. This is going to be good, I promise. There's lots more in my head, it just has to make it onto the paper.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm back! finally. sorry. I just needed some time to plan... and procrastinate. I don't think I'll have another long break like that, at least not for a while, I just have to keep my storyboarding ahead of my writing, Also, I know this is really Solas-centric right now, but pretty soon Steph will be meeting and interacting with the other companions. realistically I'll probably post one chapter every week or two. Let me know if anything is confusing, I'll gladly offer explanations, because everything in this chapter happens for a reason. I do not have a beta, so as always, constructive criticism is welcome.

I stumble as I’m half dragged through the village of Haven, vaguely aware of more armed men, Templars, surrounding me, as if I’m somehow a threat in this state, in any state really! I barely make it up the first set of steps, gritting my teeth at the pain in my side. I fall on my hands and knees, shaking out labored breaths, as my head spins. Tears stream from my eyes falling hot on the snowy gravel, to mix with the blood dripping from my broken face. I’ve never been this hurt before and yet my wounds somehow seem less pressing than the hollow feeling inside me, as if I might slip away into nothingness.

Somewhere behind me is Solas. His anger cuts through the ringing in my ears, demanding he be permitted to heal me. I have no such luck. A pitiful cry escapes me when two rough hands grip my shoulders and force me to my feet again.

_Why are they doing this?_

For a moment I glimpse the crowd gathering around us, but then I return my unsteady gaze to the ground. Voices in the crowd mix together, creating an unintelligible murmur that eats away at my frayed thoughts. I can’t believe it; they’re just standing there, letting this happen to me.

The tremor in my weakening muscles has turned violent now that we’ve come upon the second flight of stairs and I’m scared. I whimper and look up to one of my captors, begging, **“ _Please, I can’t!_ ”**

To my disbelief our group stops. I relax, but feel my captors stiffen.  When I look up I see why; the crowd has parted for an imposing figure. The tall blonde man approaching us is clearly livid; the hard set of his jaw and his blazing amber eyes scare the tension back into me.

“Commander!” The Templars echo one another.

I train my eyes on the ground once more, as if that will somehow make me smaller, less noticeable. My mind races to find a scenario that doesn’t end in my execution. If this man’s anger is directed towards me then my time in this strange world will be up. Maybe that’d be for the best.

“What is the meaning of this?” I try not to flinch at their commander’s booming voice.

“Mages attacking near the gate, sir.” The man on my right speaks up.

_Attacking?_ They think we were attacking _them?_ That doesn’t make any sense. We were all fighting the monsters, weren’t we.

“And I wasn’t notified?” He pauses, but gets no reply, “Where were you planning on taking them?”

“They asked to see the Nightingale, sir.”

“Maker’s breath!” The man huffs and shakes his head, “Release them.”

For a moment nothing happens, then my captor stammers, “But sir…”

For whatever reason he doesn’t finish his protest. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding when both men loosen their grip on me, but stagger forward and fall without their support.

I’m so confused. _Why am I on the ground?_ It feels good to finally rest and I think to myself that I might never get up again when warm hands roll me onto my back. The grey sky is just starting to spit snow. They’re the big flakes that look like fluff floating slowly down and, despite the hand probing my wounded side, I’m mesmerized. I savor it as one melts against my chapped lips, then look up to see Solas as he lifts me from the ground. I can already feel his magic seeping into me.

Somewhere in the background is the commander’s voice, but in this moment my entire world is taken up by Solas as he stares at me. He’s so intent, it’s kind of funny. I give him a weary half smile before reaching up to tell him it’s okay. My hand is almost to his shoulder when I see a snowflake pass right through my arm.

What? No, no no no no.

The look I shoot Solas is pure panic and finally I see the concern in his eyes and the hard set of his jaw as he tries not to react to my transparency.  I bury my head in his chest. This cannot be real!

Before he starts walking Solas leans his head over, **_“I will do all I can.”_**

It’s not long before we enter a building, leaving the icy wind behind. I only notice when the warmth of a hearth envelops me. I find myself lightheaded and dazed; unable to focus my eyes in the dim light, but more than anything I’m worried. The feeling is so strong it chokes me. I worry about what’s to come, or, if I die here and now that there might be nothing at all to worry about. The tinkling movement of glass bottles and the shuffling of feet greet me as I am reluctantly laid out on a table.

**_“I don’t… I don’t understand…_ ” **is all I can manage to get out before darkness takes me.

 

* * *

 

 

I am confused when I wake warm in a bed, covers tucked under my sides. I open my eyes to a timber ceiling and for a moment think that I just woke from a terrible nightmare, but then full consciousness returns to me and with it comes realization.

I snap my eyes shut again. 

I need a moment for myself. These past two days I’ve just been going along with things, idly accepting my insane situation, and now, as I lie in this bed, the consequences of that hit me. It is ironic how similar this feels to drowning- that I can even compare the two realistically. My fear and pain and the sheer _loss_ of _everything_ I knew to be true threaten to overwhelm me. Small steps, I remind myself. It’s always small steps. And so I make an effort to keep my breathing even and assess the state of my body. My fingers and toes wiggle just fine, though I suppose there was never reason for them not to. Nothing hurts anymore; there’s that at least. Mentally though… I’m not so okay. I’m scared. Scared to open my eyes, scared to see what comes next, scared of everything in this ridiculous world! I push myself though; I have to move forward because… because I have to. I take a deep breath then sit up, but immediately regret it as my head swims.

**“ _You should rest, you are still weak_.”** Solas stands from his chair by the fireplace and walks over to the side of my bed.

I rub my hand across my face and lie back as I ask, **_“What happened?"_**

He picks a cup of water up off the end table and presses it to my lips, then furrows his brow before answering, **_“You were already injured when your magic was dispelled. I did not think you would wake.”_** He lets out a relieved breath, **_“I am pleased to see you still live.”_**

I grab the cup as I take a moment to digest this. I guess it’s not the first time I should have died, but didn’t. _What if I can’t die?_ It’s a strangely distressing thought that nags at the back of my mind, especially if it means being in excruciating, near-death pain repeatedly. Especially if it means losing everything again. **_“What happens now? They just let us go? This doesn’t look much like a cell?  I still don’t understand.”_**

The look he gives me as he sits on the bed adjacent to mine is so full of remorse that tears threaten my eyes, ** _“I am sorry that this world has wronged you. It is not how it should be.”_** He looks down and seems to think to himself before a more neutral expression comes over his face, but I still feel that sadness ripple off him, **_“I have spoken to their leader. She was wise enough to accept my assistance in repairing the rift, or the Breach, as they have named it. They have little trust for two apostates, though I was able to procure lodging for so long as we may need it. I suspect their spy master will come to speak with you. Hopefully she will at least let you rest until morning.”_**

**_“What am I supposed to say? I have no life here, no history. I’ve walked into a war that I know nothing about. My fate lies in the hands of people who could care less if they killed me!”_** I am exasperated and need to calm down. Out of habit I reach for the Cross about my neck, only to curl my hand upon my chest as I realize that I have lost that too, the closest thing to an heirloom I ever had, **_“They won’t accept me, will they?”_**

**_“No, not as you are.”_ **

Before he can say more, or help me plan out a story, the door swings open and a figure enters shrouded in dark cloth and chainmail. It’s a miracle I don’t yelp at the startling intrusion, but then gloved hands lower a dark hood to reveal a soft-featured woman. She offers me a disarmingly warm smile before coming to sit at the edge of my bed. Her voice is soft and sweet like honey when she asks, “I trust that you are feeling better?”

**_“Yes, thank you.”_** I reply completely baffled. I must admit that this is the last thing I expected from the supposed spy master.

Her expression shifts ever so slightly, “I’m sure you’ve heard of me referred to as the Nightingale, but you may call me Leliana. What am I to call you?”

**_“I’m Stephanie._ ”**

Leliana smiles again, but with none of the warmth of before, “The people of Haven lost so much yesterday, we all did. It is my business to protect them from further harm. Tell me, why have you come to Haven?”

For a moment I just stare blankly at her, **_“I was lost and this was the nearest village?”_** It comes out as more of a question when I realize that I really don’t have an answer for her- or for myself. 

Her face goes blank in the most frightening way as she leans over, forcing me to look up at her. In this moment I realize that this is probably an interrogation. Very quietly she hisses, “There’s no need to be difficult.”

She looks serious as death, but I’m not even sure why she’s angry. Solas breaks the tension when he clears his throat, **_“She does not speak Elvhen, da’len.”_**

**_“What?”_ **

Wait.

Did he just say _Elven?_

And then it dawns on me, I’m an elf. Of course. Of course! I’m speaking fucking elvish and didn’t even realize it! She thinks I’m messing with her. Well, great. 

Solas misses my little epiphany and gives me his Driest, **_“You will have to reply in Common.”_** Like I’m some idiot- which, I guess I am- and although his face is neutral I could swear there is amusement in his eyes. Thanks. That doesn’t help me at all.

I think about it, realizing that I can understand her so I must already know the language. Even so, I have no idea how to switch languages when everything sounds like English in my head. I shoot Solas a pleading look, **_“I don’t know how.”_**

Leliana leans back, watching us intently, but she doesn’t interject.

**_“It should not be difficult for you. Focus on my words.”_** He pauses before switching to the other language, “Has it been all that long? Have you forgotten the Common tongue?”

I move my lips trying to mimic his as he speaks, whispering under my breath, “F-for-gotten the C-common tongue” The words don’t feel right, but I start to get it as he goes. I turn to Leliana, “I am sorry. My name is Stephanie.”

She looks intrigued as she asks, “Elvhen is your primary language?”

“Yes.” I just have to hope this isn’t incriminating.

“Then you were never in part of a circle? Where are you from?”

I have no idea what a circle is, but she seems rather sure that I was not in one and I’m disinclined to say otherwise. I have no idea what to tell her about where I’m from. I can’t say Earth “I’m… not sure.”

She levels me with a disbelieving glare.

I back-pedal a bit, “I’m just from home. I’m not sure where it is.”

“Surely there was a village near by that you traded with.”

“Yes, mother would go out for supplies some times, but I always had to stay home. We did move once, to the south, I think, but that was years ago.” I really hope she’s buying this.

“So you left home and you came to Haven?  Were you coming for the conclave?”

“What? No. I don’t even know what a conclave is. I was just trying to get away. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I ran for days. Avoided the roads so they wouldn’t find me.” I’m just pulling this out of nowhere. At least it sounds convincing in my head, “I got lost and this was the nearest village.”

“What were you running from Stephanie? Why don’t you want to be found?”

Oh, did I just giver her something to blackmail me with? “I just,” I take a deep breath and can’t help but get a little emotional, “I didn’t want to be stuck in that house forever. I had to get out. I want to see the world.”

“And you decided hiked into the mountains?” She looks incredulous.

“They didn’t look that big from home.” Playing stupid earns me a bit of a laugh so I give her my most petulant face before continuing, “I had no idea where to go and it was getting cold when Solas found me. I only came here because he let me travel with him. I didn’t know how dangerous everything is out here.” I shoot Solas a soft smile as I totally throw him under the bus and add, “He saved me,” for good measure.

She stops then and observes us once more. For a moment I think she might ask another question, but then she gives the faintest smile and excuses herself.

After her departure I look to Solas, and slip back into elven, **_“Well, that was not what I expected. Sorry about that back there.”_**

He huffs, **_“On the contrary, you did well da’len.  I have already been questioned. I doubt it will cause me additional trouble. Be wary though, she certainly has eyes throughout the village, as well as the two without the door.”_**

My stomach sinks, I really don’t want to go back to living in a web of lies, **_“And I will always be watched?”_**

**_“For the time being. They will likely tire of us soon, on to more pressing matters.”_** He gives me an evaluating look before continuing, **_“I must admit, I did not expect your lies to be so well thought out. The secluded life of a mageling whose parents hid her from the Templars.  Raised with little to no knowledge of the surrounding world.”_**

**_“Nothing for them to find on me, right? At least that much I was going for.”_** There was a time that I would be proud, but not now. At least I made things easy for myself.

With the lull in conversation, Solas stands and turns for the door, **_“I will return with the evening meal.”_**

**_“Wait!”_** I sit up and throw my legs off the bed, **_“Please, don’t leave me here.”_**

I’m leveled with an impatient look.

I move my eyes from Solas to the door, then down to my feet before pleading, **_“I don’t want to be alone.”_** And I don’t. I know it’s weak and childish, but that would just be too much; to be alone.

His expression softens and he gives a quick nod so I stand to accompany him. I take a moment to look over myself. I don’t have a mirror or anything, but from what I can see I look pretty clean. It appears someone washed off all the dirt and blood from our hike. I’m still in Solas’ clothes though only now there’s a nice rip in the side where I was injured. Between that and the singed remains of the right sleeve I’m sure I look like a hobo. Oh, well it’s not like I have anything else to wear. Where skin would be exposed there is cloth bandage. My arm is wrapped as well, all the way down to my hand. In fact the only parts of me left exposed are my fingers and toes. It seems odd to me, that they would waste bandages where I wasn’t injured. I look up, satisfied with my inspection to see Solas rummaging through his pack. From it he hands me a large piece of cloth.

I kind of just look at it, unsure of why I’m holding it.

He sighs, **_“It is a hood,”_** and then a little more softly he says, **_“It is best you are covered. It may snow again.”_**

Oh, okay. That actually makes a lot of sense. I drape it over my head, then tuck the excess into my collar. The last thing I want is a repeat of this afternoon.  

Solas gives me a final look-over, and sighs again, **_“My apologies. I have had not the time to mend your shirt.”_**

**_“Oh, it’s okay Solas. I… didn’t expect you to. You’re the only reason I’m wearing clothes in the first place, so, thank you.”_** It’s a short and rather awkward exchange that ends when Solas opens the door.

It turns out that it’s just down a set of steps to what I guess is a Tavern. I laugh to myself when I see the name; ‘The Singing Maiden’ sounds more like a brothel than a bar. It does appear to be the only place in town that offers food though, which means it’s crowded. I mean, packed, and stuffy and there’s not a seat to be had. As we walk over to the bar heads start to turn our way until it’s quiet and everyone is looking at us. I feel like I’m playing out the cliché, stranger walks into the bar seen, in a bad movie. Solas doesn’t seem to notice, or care, but it’s enough to have me staring at my feet. We just have to stand at there awkwardly and wait while we’re stared down by the silent crowd. An eternity later, Solas hands me a bowl of soup that’s mostly broth and escorts me back outside.

I expect to go back to our cabin, but instead he finds us seats to the side of the building. We probably have to return our dishes anyway. There are some tents and a fire nearby, but even so I have to use a little magic to keep myself warm. It’s quiet out here, only a couple of people are gathered near, everyone content to keep their distance.  

**_“Is it… always going to be like this?”_**  I ask as I sit down, a little closer than is strictly necessary. Solas is like this anchor of calm where the closer I am the better I feel.

**_“No.”_** He huffs, and passes me a roll, but there is a finality to his tone that throws me off.

My emotions seem to swirl around me as I stare into my meal, barely taking a bite. After the hassle of getting our food, I’m not hungry any more.  So I sit there and lose myself in everything. Thinking back on things I realize that I almost died today, and I lit myself on fire yesterday, and I _did_ die the day before that… I think. I really hope this is just a coincidence, because things would be easier if I didn’t die tomorrow. Or get thrown in jail. That would be bad too.

My thoughts are abruptly halted as a hand pats my shoulder, “Well, look who rolled off the death bed! Be careful there Rags, stare to hard and you might fall in!”

I whip my head around and see no one, and then I look down and see… a very short man. I guess he’s a dwarf. Yeah, that pretty much makes sense. Despite his words, his roguish look is rather inviting, with tawny hair tied back and chest exposed. Doesn’t anyone around here get cold?

“You look about as lost as a nug in Dark Town.” He continues his nonsensical phrasing.

I look over to Solas, **_“Is he talking to me…?”_** I am so confused. Where did this guy even come form, and why is he acting all friendly?

Wait.

Did he just call me “Rags?” What is that supposed to mean? Is he talking about my clothes…?

I must look completely horrified because Solas chuckles, “I believe his attempt is towards befriending you, da’len.”

I turn back to the dwarf, **_“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”_**

Solas gives another half chuckle, “You must remember to speak common.”

Oh. I did it again. I chew on my bottom lip while I think about how to switch languages again, “I’m sorry. I just really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That makes two of us then! Varric Tethras, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He smiles and sits down on the bench adjacent from ours, “So, tell me, what’s your story?”

“My story?” 

“Yeah. You and Chuckles there made quite the uproar coming into town. Curley looked like he was about to spit fire when he saw you roughed up. He’s always had a soft spot for the pretty ones.”

Is this guy serious? I have no idea what he’s talking about but I think he just called Solas ‘Chuckles.’ I can’t help it and burst out laughing. This is just too absurd. When I finally get ahold of myself I tell him that I’m Stephanie and was just traveling when I wound up here. I ask him if he’s from here and it’s his turn to laugh. He tells me he’s from someplace called ‘Kirkwall’ in the ‘Free Marches.’ And when I tell him that I’ve never heard of it, he regales me with stories of him running around getting into trouble with his friends. All that I really take away from it is that I never want to go to Kirkwall.

It’s a while before Solas and I are able to excuse ourselves, but when we do I’m exhausted. I fall asleep feeling much better than when I woke up. It gives me hope just knowing there’s one more friendly person in my new life.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Steph was speaking Elvhen this whole time! I will continue my trend of Elvhen being bold italics, Common being standard, and English, when we get to it,being standard italics. I'm just trying to make it obvious as to which language she's speaking.


End file.
